Mad Science: “A peculiar form of regular science caused by an excess of mad particles to the brainial cavity.”

What makes a scientist go completely and irrevocably insane? Demonic possession? Orgone energy depletion? Anti-NDMA receptor encephalitis?

I’ve rediscovered an ancient medical secret that will shed light on this old question. Mad scientists are not fictitious caricatures of our own hubris. They are real people who suffer from a natural imbalance of bodily humors.

Blood, black bile, yellow bile, and phlegm, these four basic substances are found in all scientists in varying quantities. My research suggests that improper hygiene, combined with certain moral impurities, can dramatically alter a scientist’s vaporal complexion. This in turn leads to a condition known as “science madness.”

I estimate that as many as 5% of all scientists are afflicted with this condition, which we may rightly call a curse.

Conventional treatment revolves around a careful regimen of bloodletting and emetics, though I argue this approach to be too conservative. Indeed, for some of the more persistent cases, my clinic advises nothing less than complete immersion in the unholy bathwaters of hell!

Won’t you join me as I traipse through the history of this cruel illness? Won’t you float a candle by my side as I wade neck-deep into weird disfiguring goo?!